community bulletin board

Dear Laura: My mother passed away 4 years ago. She was my very best friend, but I am feeling very guilty because right now at this very moment. I am very mad at her for reasons I am not even sure of. There have been so many things happen in my life since she passed away. I know she can see everything that is going on in my life but I want her to be here to talk to and to share all of this with. There are still times I want to hop in the car and go over and see her and then I remember she is not here anymore and then I just get mad all over again and then I take it out on my husband or my kids by yelling at them, and that is not fair to them. I always tell them I am sorry but sorry just is not good enough anymore. I am getting to a point where I just want to go to bed and never get up; that way, I don't say mean things to anyone. My husband tries to understand but I don't know how to tell him I am mad at someone that is not even here anymore. My kids now have something they call my mom day. On these days, they know I have been thinking about my mom and they try to stay away from me. I don't want my family to feel they have to ever stay away from me. Please help me. I feel I am lost in a world of anger and I am falling fast. I don't want to be mad or feel hate at my mother anymore. I want to get on with my life and be a part of my family again. [Sharon]

Dear Sharon: You say you know that your mother is with you, that she sees what is happening in your life... but knowledge is not quite the same thing as belief. Belief is what connects our knowledge to our emotions, and it's the emotional side of our being that gives direction, purpose and energy to life. Sharon, your mother is still here to help you. Her spirit has never left your side. Believe this. Think now, haven't you felt her presence?

So reach out to her in the silence of your heart the next time you're feeling low. Take hold of that golden bond of love that connects her spirit to yours; let it lead you out of this dark hole of sadness and anger generated by despair. (You know you're not mad at your mother, it's the deperation talking.) Your children need you. It's up to you now to transform your mother's memory into a source of healing rather than self-destruction. Take those warm memories of your mother's love and turn them into loving action. Use your mother as your model. Honor her by passing on this gift of love to your children. In doing so, you will find your healing and your peace.
Laura

Dear Laura: A year and a half ago, my girlfriend's daughter hanged herself. She was 33. My friend has been grief-stricken since. I know everyone grieves differently. I know that no one ever "get's over" the loss of a child, but at what point does depression spiral down so deeply that it becomes self-pity?  At what point do her friends say: It will never be the same but you must go forward, you must find joy in the life that you now have, however changed by your daughter's decision?  I let her talk, I encourage her to talk about her daughter, but she won't seek professional help and I don't know how hard I should push her to go forward with her life. Thank you. [Romy]

Dear Romy: Just keep doing what you've been doing.You cannot "make" someone better, but you can watch over them when they're in pain, providing reassurance, safety, and comfort through the hard times. Grief progresses differently for different people. Though it cannot be allowed to continue forever, the desire to move on must come from within; all one can do is remind a troubled heart that there is hope. You've been a good friend. I think, down deep, she knows that. Laura

Dear Laura: Hi. I am a 37-year-old male. My 2-year-old child was killed in a car accident eleven years ago and I have been in denial all this time until now. My spouse does not understand my pain and suffering and depression and thinks it is because I don't want her anymore and is ready to leave me. I have talked to her all I can. I don't know what to do now. [anon.]

Dear anon: Is there an element of guilt mixed with your pain? Whether rightly or wrongly, a continual blaming of oneself at some level for a loved one's death can be the drowning weight that keeps a spirit from ever healing. We each have our own grief and experience it in our own way, but(as you now know) pain cannot be denied else it leads to crippling physical and emotional symptoms as well as a poisoning of the relationships with those we hold most dear.

You need to do more than just talk to your wife. Right now, she can only guess at the source of your pain and, thus incorrectly blame herself for your depression. She loves you, she wants to help - let her. I know it won't be easy, but you're going to have to take that first hard step of admitting the truth to yourself, then sharing that truth with her.
Laura

Dear Laura:
I am deeply in love with Samantha(not real name). Our relationship started before she was out of a bad marriage. She was in an abusive relationship. Her ex blames me(and her) for the break-up, and has basically told her kids the same thing. She holds everything in, and has been having trouble with our relationship since the divorce being honest with her kids about still seeing me. We agreed to cool it for a while, at her request, so that she could repair things with the kids. Her fear is having to choose between them and me. Both are older, one 18 the other 23. I told her if she would be honest with them about a) the reason for the failed marriage b) her feelings about me, I feel like over time the kids would come to accept me, and it wouldn't have to be a "choice." I want to back off to give her space. Is that the right thing to do, and do I have a chance with the love of my life? [Schnider]

Dear Schnider: Suggesting that she talk to the children is, of course, the best thing to do, but she's still hurting. Coming out of an abusive relationship, she's heard so many lies and been hurt so deeply that the best choice may not be what she can bring herself to do. She's afraid, she's unsure of herself - she's been wounded so many times before - she's afraid of losing her children too.

But please give her and yourself a chance. Be persistent, yet gentle. Let her children see by your loving attention and kind actions that you are the safe haven that their mother deserves. For your own benefit, let her know in a clear yet unthreatening way what you need from the relationship and how much you're willing to do to make a future for the two of you. True love is worth the try. I wish both of you well.
Laura

Dear Laura: I would like to correspond with others who have lost a child through suicide. I am having a difficult time understanding and have no one to talk it through with. My email address is cyndi44423@yahoo.com Thanks for your help. [Cynthia]

Dear Laura: I lost my husband to death almost 8 months ago. The holidays were bad, but I made it through ok. Will it ever be easier? Sometimes, I feel so lonely and miss him so much I want to die - literally!  Thanks for listening. [Arlene]

Dear Arlene: Will it ever be easier?... Yes, because your sorrow will change with time. Of course, you'll never stop loving him, but your heart will heal. Memories that now bring you such bittersweet pain will, one day, become a comfort and a refuge. Mourning is a time when the spiritual can take on a new meaning; within your grief lay the seeds of your future.

You say that you made it through the holidays - where did you find the strength? Look within yourself for its source. Your husband's love made this possible. You've not been alone. The love that the two of you created and shared is still present. It will surround you always, for it is what forever binds his spirit to yours. Draw on this loving reserve whenever the pain seems too much to bear. Use it to heal, to move forward. Keep it a part of your life; as long as you do, the two of you will never be parted.
Laura

Dear Laura:
My son committed suicide last April and it seems it's getting harder every day to accept it. For a long time I was numb, now it seems like I can't get a handle on my emotions: I cry for no apparent reason, I feel like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. What can I do to get my emotions under control? [Cynthia]

Dear Laura: My mother passed away a year and a half ago and I am deeply concerned about my father. He continues to struggle with her passing and is not interested in joining a support group or seeing a therapist. He constantly says that nobody wants to listen. I live in San Francisco and he lives in Las Vegas. He does not have a strong community where he lives and does not know many people because him and my mother traveled so much throughout the years. Is there anything I can do for him at this point? [anon.]

Dear Laura: We buried my grandma just last Wednesday and I still do not seem to have any energy for other people. I feel like I'm going through the motions, and I catch myself just staring off into the distance even when I am with my little ones. Is this normal when someone dies? This feeling of dullness? Normally, I love to feel connected to the people around me but these days I don't even feel like talking! Things seem so shallow. [Peggy]

Dear Laura: This past July, I lost a friend I loved very much. His passing was sudden and unexpected, and I can't seem to stop crying from my broken heart. Yet I feel guilty considering he was not my spouse or my child or my parent, and I keep telling myself I shouldn't hurt this much. Can you tell me how to find a grief support group in my area when the person lost was not a relative? My husband and other friends do not understand my grief or know how to help me, so I don't share it with them. I cry myself to sleep each night, I cry when I'm alone driving, and I cry when I visit my friend's grave although I find that experience soothing and healing. Is there something I can look under in the yellow pages of my phone book? Sorry I'm so ignorant of all this. Thank you for your help. [Sue]

Dear Laura: Last week, our daughter's baby girl was stillborn. She took such good care of herself and this was so unexpected. I trusted God to take care of her and this baby. How can I trust Him again with anything or anyone? Is He really looking out for us?  He surely doesn't seem to intervene in horrible things such as 9/11. How can He expect us to look to Him for comfort after being let down? [anon.]

Dear Laura: My husband died all  of a sudden by late diagnosis of kidney cancer - 64 yrs of age.  I am 58 and my 3 children live in the West Coast. Also we found my youngest child had alcohol and drug problems. He went for treatment and he is in the 7th month of recovery after he stayed in Springbrook, Oregon. We have spent a lot of time and money on him. He is such an excellent person. I am praying for his full recovery and that he gets a nice job and supports himself. Please pray for me. [GR]

Dear Laura:   Thank you for taking my email. It has been 3 months to the day that I have lost my 17-year-old nephew due to injuries suffered from a car accident. Philip was alone driving his vehicle at 8:30 PM when the accident occurred. After investigation his speed was clocked at 38 MPH in a 40 MPH zone. Philips blood level was free from drugs and alcohol (I feel I must mention that as most suspect that a teenaged driver accident was due to alcohol or drugs). I am having a very hard time accepting his death. I lost my mother at the very tender young age of 16 and I personally disliked God for a long time. After several years I began to love God once again but always had my doubts. I have reached a place where I cannot explain, but I have that awful feeling about God. Although I still pray to Him, I cannot understand why one would ever take the most precious boy from my life. My heart aches each day and only aches more and more. How can I find comfort without him in my life? Each day I try to be stronger but I feel that I have become oh so weak. I am carrying on in a blindfold. It has been a road that I never imagined that I would have traveled. I am not even sure what I am looking for, but I do know that within my heart I have heartache. How am I supposed to ever have a relationship with God after what he has taken from me? Any response would be appreciated.[Aunty Anna

Dear Anna: You found comfort and hope once before - know that you have the strength within yourself to find it again; for that well of hope never goes dry, but often can be hidden in the tangle of pain and doubt that comes with loss. Hope is what will move you back towards a relationship with God. You are looking for a reason, you are looking for the why of it all. God is there for us when times are both good and bad. Calm your thoughts, take a deep breath, listen for that small voice of widsom within that tells you that you are not alone, that someone still cares and will help you through this terrible time as you were helped in the past. Things will get better, trust in that. Laura

Dear Laura:
I would like to keep this anonymous please, but I really thank you for being there.   My daughter has a three-month old baby and is living with her husband’s parents while he is away (a couple of years).  I have slowly become aware of their lack of understanding of the serious requirements for a baby’s safety.  The mother-in-law does not put the child in the car seat, and if she does, DOES NOT STRAP HER IN!!!  It is SO SCARY to me and to my daughter. They are Mexican people and seem to disregard safety rules for babies. We are constantly trying to “fix” things, hint at things, and have no success. They both think that we are being overprotective. It is SO SAD.  The little girl has EVERY right to safety and we do our best, but we seem to be fighting an uphill battle in “convincing” the in-laws that there are hundreds of potential accidents in their home.  They let their grandson (who is adopted by them) leave toys on the stairs, touch the baby’s face, throw fits in front of her (he has a special challenge and is on medication).  They don’t protect the fireplace from children, or their grill, or put small items that the baby can swallow when she starts crawling away.  The worst one is the car seat, of course.  The reason we only realized this lately is because it was so shocking as to be surreal.   How could ANY parent not believe that babies deserve the ultimate protection.  We don’t want to give them an ultimatum about “supervised visits only” but it looks like that is coming. The clock is ticking on the baby’s safety and of course we HAVE to do WHATEVER it takes, even if it puts a rift in the family. Any suggestions?  Thank you.[anon.]

Dear anon: This is a very sticky situation, but the safety of your grandbaby must be everyone's primary concern. There are four things that you can do, in this order:
        1) Talk to the other grandparents once more about the safety of the baby. Let there be no doubt how concerned you are about the situation.
        2) If talking to them again does not get a response, then have their priest or minister talk to them - they may listen to him.
        3) I was going to say call Child Serivces, but you said that your daughter agrees that this is a bad situation, so why doesn't she and the baby come live with you?
       4) Call Child Services. 
Laura

Dear Laura:
My name is Kelly. I have a dear friend who lost her boyfriend (her true love) due to drowning. He was 42 years old and left behind 2 children also. My friend was building a life with this man and this sudden traumatic death has truly devasted her. I want some how to help her heal. Where do I even start? One question I also have is: does it matter how someone dies? Like, do people need to grieve differently if it's traumatic versus long-term illness? Any advice you might have would be appreciated.Thank you. [Kelly M.]

Dear Kelly: There is no easy way to experience loss, though what can make it doubly hard is when not only is a loved one torn from us, but when all the dreams and hopes for our own future seem to die with them. Your friend is not only mourning her boyfriend but also the life that they were planning together. The suddenness of his passing also adds the element of shock to what is already a terrible experience.

You need to be the emotional rock for your friend as she tries to come to terms with her heartache. Let her talk, listen to her words; if she seems ready, suggest that her life still has a purpose and a meaning. If she seems to resist, then back off and just be that shoulder to cry on - she will listen to your words when, through time, she has healed enough to hear them. Continue to be the good friend that you already are.
Laura

Dear Laura:
I need some serious help. I have two boys from two different fathers. It was not my choice but you see my oldest son's father committed suicide when my son was only 18 months old - we were engaged to get married a year after. Then I met a very nice man and had a child with him and we are still together and are engaged. But my problem lies with my oldest son. He is now 6 years of age and having a lot of of troubles in school (behaviour problems).  At the age of 4, he has told me that he wants to die and that he wants to go live with his real dad in heaven. My son has no clue how his dad died but that he was sick and passed away. At that time when he was 4, I brought him to our family doctor. Our doctor said that he might be a depressed child since it runs on both sides of his family circle. Recently he has been telling me he is going to kill himself and that he hates me and his stepdad and the world. We have done everything possible for him and I am scared to lose my son like I lost his dad. Please help me.I don't want to lose my son also. Any advice? I would like to hear it. Thank you. [Christine]

Dear Christine: It is possible that there is a genetic disposition to depression in your family - your son should definitely be medically checked further, this is serious. I do sense that your concern for your son is very deep and genuine, but how does his stepdad treat him? Does he consistently show equal affection and attention to both of the boys when you're present and even when you're not? Also, what can run in families are patterns of behavior. Your son might be a very sensitive child who's acting out to the perceived instability in the household. You say that you and your new partner are still just engaged: is there anything in your adult relationship that could be signaling to this child that his family unit again might not be permanent? Laura

Dear Laura:
I lost my younngest son 8-16-02, his 20th birthday was 8-20-02, he had a headache and he trusted a friend to give him something for his headache and it ended his life. I need prayers to get through this. I can`t cope with a lot that has happened. The friend hasn`t gotten into any trouble 'cause people are to afraid to say what happend. Some saw what happened but it's not enough proof, the police said. Plus, the hospital or funeral home lost his belongings. I have a lot of back flashes of that terrible day. My son and I were so close. I miss him terribly. I feel like my life has been destroyed. My heart has a big empty hole in it. My love went with him when he passed away and my soul waits to join him. All I want is the TRUTH and I need closure too, plus I want justice done right. [Becky, Timmy`s mom]

Dear Laura: Please say a prayer for me. I've ended a 2 1/2 year relationship and feel very alone and sad.  Along with the relationship, I've let go of a destructive friendship and have left my job of 7 years. My world feels upside down. I am trying to find my way but all I feel right now is sadness.Please pray for me to be happy. [anon.]

Dear Laura: I recently lost my dad after a long battle with a terminal illness. All his life, he was not religious and did not go to church. According to most religions, you must be saved to go to heaven. I don't think he ever really had a personal relationship with God and it was never a priority in his life. He was extremely independent and believed that religion is hypocritical. Will I ever see him again? [anon.]

Dear Laura: I just wanted to let you know that I appreciated your words of wisdom.I have not written to you in a long time.My boyfriend has been gone 2yrs on the 14th of March.I struggle everyday with that but my son who is 21 months now is my survival. I also have a friend who is really good to me and her and her husband are there for me. And have surrounded myself with positive people.You are doing a great job with the other stories.I look at my story and I know I am better than I was and, no, the hurt never goes away but you know it does get easier to accept and know that they are always with you and are in a much healthier place.Thank you. [Trisha R.]

Dear Laura: I am currently married to a wonderful husband and have the opportunity to have a wonderful mariage too. I am plagued with an ugly past that is catching up and affecting my marriage. I was in a physically, emotionally and sexually abusive relationship for years. I blocked it and have not really dealt with what happened and pressed on with life. Sex is not the most important part of a marriage, but it is an important part of it and I cannot give this to my husband. Where do I start? [anon.]

Dear Laura: I've recently lost my dad. He was 53 yrs old. He suffered a very masive heart attack and passed on our dining room floor. Being unaware of his heart condition, this was a very unexpected tradgedy. I'm holding the worst pain inside, feeling obligated to stay strong for my mom, who is completely torn. There was no insurance from any angle, and we're all in fear of losing our family home. My mom has very little income coming into the home, so on top of losing the best friend she had, husband and confidant, there are so many more stresses, which are disillusioning her from healing. She hasn't sought any counseling yet. We all believe she is still in denial, as it has only been 6 weeks. She definitley needs to talk to somebody. I understand my own pain, but cannot fathom what she in her heart and soul is experiencing. What else can I do for her? I feel she needs to connect with another woman close to her age (45), who also has dealt, or dealing with the same, but don't know where to find this person. A friend informed me of your site, and now I turn to you, desperately seeking strength for my mom to know she can pull through this. [anon.]

Dear anon: Your mother's strength resides in the love of her family, I sense that you are the one who has been chosen to guide her through her tears and sorrow. Do not see this as a burden, for both you and she will be the better for having made this journey of recovery together. Tell your mother to expect a miracle; be patient, it will come soon. Laura

Dear Laura:
My 31-year-old daughter was murdered 2 yrs ago on July 15, 2001. I am drowning in sorrow and anguish; I feel so lost and alone, and yet I can not let my grief show for it is so disturbing that others reject me because they are so uncomfortable with it. I am now raising my 3 grandchildren as well and need help in getting them through this as well.Thank You.[anon.]

Dear anon: I do feel for you and can only admire your courage, raising your grandchildren will be a trial but also a great blessing in your life. If you cannot find anyone in your community with whom you can talk out your grief and share your burden, you will have to look elsewhere. Look up. Listen to your angels, they have been and always will be with you. Cry and know that they understand and hold you in their loving arms. They have been by your side through the worst times in your past; acknowledge now their presence and receive the comfort that knowing heaven's love is always nearby. Laura

Dear Laura:
I have read most of the letters on your bulletin board and thought maybe you may have some advice for me. I recently had to have my dog, my "four-legged child," put to sleep.  It was the most difficult decision I have yet to make in my 34 years. I am not married and have no children so Belial was my life for 13 years and I loved him dearly. There wasn't much I wouldn't do for him. It is very hard to stop asking all the "what if" questions and I also have a hard time forgiving myself for not holding him as he slipped away. I was in the same room with him and kneeling in front of him but I looked away as they gave the shot and when I turned back around, he was already gone. Belial was very special to me. I fell in love with him the moment I saw him.  He was my beautiful baby boy. I know that time does help heal all wounds, but what else can I do or how can I forgive myself? I just really wish he could have told me I was doing the right thing. I miss him so much and I know I was very lucky to have such a sweet child. As much as I would love to have another Chow, I feel like I would be betraying him or belittleling what he meant to me. Sincerely, Betty-Lou

Dear Betty-Lou: There is no real way to prepare for such difficult situations - just know that you did the best that you could. The main thing to keep repeating to yourself to counter these unforgiving thoughts is to remind yourself that, above all, you were unselfish in your actions - his welfare was your main concern.

Dogs know when they're loved. Your wanting another dog can only be a tribute to the profound effect that Belial had upon you. The love that you and he shared can never be replaced but your heart has room for more. The course of a pet's life is determined by the person who adopts it, even a pedigreed dog can be brought into an abusive home. There can be no betrayal in your getting a new puppy after a respectful period of mourning. Go share yourself again; know that there is a little one out there who needs your love and guidance.
Laura

Dear Laura:
I am trying to cope with the death of my 36-year-old son. He died on Oct. 5, 2003 only a week after he was in the hospital suffering with nausea vomiting and chest pains and was told that he had nothing wrong with his heart. My family was so close that we talked every day. My husband, daughter and I are so lost. Shawn was the youngest in our family and the last person you expect to die young. He was so active and jolly and generous with his love. The void his death left is overwelming. He is all I can think about. We shared such a close bond... Shawn was a premature baby with lots of hearing prombles, dyslexia, injuries from skiing, motorcycles,and etc. but never stopped smiling and never complained. Hundreds of people came to his funeral including lots of old girlfriends! I just don't know how to get thru this...I never stopped going to church...that has helped my husband and Shawn's girlfriend but so far the pain is too raw and sharp.The hurt in my daughter's eyes is awful. They were more like twins than siblings. When my daughter was out of work after the birth of her baby, Shawn made her car payment. We all depended on him to help us in time of need and he was always there. Friends came from all over the country the see us and tell "Shawn" stories! But the reality of his death is now here and the pain is agony. Sincerely, Libby Jones

Dearest Laura: It is with a great difficulty that I have reached your site after a long time --more then a year. I am the person who had the greatest support from your site when about 3 years ago I had the loss of my father, my husband and the pet dog within a span of 1 month. Your site kept me from drowning in the ocean of grief and on the hard days when poured my heart to you, it actually felt lighter afterwards. I still live in India and my younger daughter got married to a wonderful Irishman ---and now I have a lovely granddaughter Maya, 6 months old. A true miracle. Life is a package deal --some happiness and some sorrow, do we really have a choice? I accepted what was offered at each time. Thank you for being there for all of us souls who need you at the time of turbulance in life. ~ Anand from India [December 2003]

Dear Laura: I was recently widowed in August after thirty years of marriage. I also lost my job of fourteen years and had to put my pet dog to sleep. I have three wonderfull children but I get very depressed and missing my husband so much. Thank you, Janice

Dear Janice: Please read the above letter from Anand and then click on this link. Laura

Dear Laura:
My name is Sally. I have not experienced a death, but to me and my husband
THIS GRIEF is very real and heart-wrenching.  We are not allowed to see our only
grandchildren: the girl is 15 and the boy is 13.  Our granddaughter was beaten with a belt by her stepfather. Her father, my son and only child, was brokenhearted when he showed me her belt whelps. I reported it immediately.  Nothing was done about it. Shortly thereafter he turned to drugs and now is incarcerated.  He will be out soon.  So now we feel we have lost our only child and our only grandchildren. We so long to hug, kiss ,hold, and love them with all our hearts.  It's so unbearable at times it actually feels like a death. I am not feeling well and when this great feeling overwhelms me I get so depressed that I can't eat or sleep. They are constantly on my mind. Thank you for this page, Laura, I really needed to talk. ~ Sally and Roger

Dear Laura: A very close friend suggested I visit your site. I recently lost my father in a fire accident.He was hale & healthy, enjoying the good things in life, doing  his best to society & was working very hard till his last day. Inf act, he lost his life saving others. We the family members mother, brother and sister are unable to cope with the loss. We are devastated. We are all groping in the dark. There is no anchor for us now. While I am yet to get out of this traumatic experience, I am also going through a very very bad and bitter experience in my married life. I am unable to bear the torture. The only solace is my 4-year-old daughter. Please pray for me. Help me go through this very very bad patch in my life. Thanks and regards, Aparna

Dear Laura, a very quick greeting, offering of the very best of the wishes. My granddaughter is now 1 year old and has the blue eyes just like her Irish father - both my daughter and her husband live in London. My mother who is 87 years old is visiting me here in Bangalore until next month. Thank you so much for being there when we all needed you most - truly grateful. ~
Anand [June 2004]

Dear Laura: My prayers for all the people who have the pain of losing their loved
ones. I was one such person 6 years ago after I had lost my husband, my father
and the pet all in the span of 1 month but this site kept me from drowning in
the sea of grief .Thanks Laura for being there when I needed you most. I have
reached this site after a long time. I want you to know that I now feel the
peace and the contentment .The kindness of so many people makes me  feel all the
more humble - I still live in India in the same city and some times visit a very
old and beautiful Ashram - very holy place, which is nearby. Both my girls are
now married. I am also a grandmother of two little ones - 4 year old  and a 2
year old - a true miracle . ONCE AGAIN MY HEART FELT PRAYERS TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE IN THE SAME PAIN I ONCE WAS! MAY YOU ALL GET THE HAND TO  HELP YOU AND SHOW YOU THE WAY TO LIFE AND LIGHT. I WALKED THE SAME WAY ONCE NOT SO LONG AGO BUT SOME ONE HELD MY HAND AND SHOWED ME THE WAY- IT WAS THIS SITE.~ANAND FROM INDIA[April 2007]

Dear Anand:  So good to hear from you again. I have been very busy lately, but your message made this day so very special. Thank you so much for your kind words. Laura

Dear Laura: My heartfelt prayers for all who are in pain. Please, know that I too was one such person after I had lost my loved ones a few years ago. But, God does hold your hand and leads you towards the light when all seems dark and one does not find the reason to live. I had accidently strayed on this site a few years ago and found the hand that guided me during my tough and dark days. I still live in India and visit my two girls who live outside India - I am a grand mother now. I am at peace with myself and I feel humbled and touched when I see the kindness, love and signs of life around me. Also,I go to a very holy Ashram for retreats for few days whenever possible. India seems so far away but apperently distance does not really matter when the hand of God reaches you ..Thank you, Laura. --- Anand From India[May 2008]

Dear Anand:  It always makes me so happy in my heart to hear from you and your reports on your lovely family. Thank you. ~ Laura


 



 

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