Dear anon: Communication between this world and the next depends on the right moment and frame of mind. What are your current circumstances? The spiritual is all about us; it is we who need to be more observant. Maybe it's you who've changed: what you need now in life, the person that you've become. Heaven is a place where time has no meaning; know that, yesterday or today, your mother is still with you.

Had you communicated with your mother in the past? If so, remember how it was. Hold on to the faith and love that still binds your spirit to hers. Look to recent events and results in your life that can only have a spiritual explanation. There is one in particular that I know you've been wondering about. The signs now may be more subtle, but, rest assured, you are not alone. Laura

Dear Laura: My mom died three weeks ago, on Christmas Day. My heart is broken. I cry every morning and I cry myself to sleep. I did my best on Christmas morning not to tell my two children until the afternoon but I couldn't hold it in much longer; but I knew that it would devestate them both, and it did. I have decided to celebrate Christmas on December 23rd from now on. People have the nerve to tell me that it is being selfish to my children. I loved my mom with all my heart. She was my best friend. She died on Christmas Day and now to me there is nothing to celebrate on December 25th other then the anniversary of her death. The Bible never stated that Jesus was born on that specific day anyhow so as long as we celebrate why is that selfish? Besides that, my children are not babies anymore. They are 11 and 16. Advice please! [anon.]

Dear anon: It is always doubly sad when a loss occurs near a holiday or other special event. But, since nothing now can be done about the timing, do not let circumstance dictate your future happiness. You are correct in trying to regain control over your life - you are not being selfish - but moving Christmas to another date is not the best way to do it; there are other people in your family to consider.

Many people, who have found themselves in a similar situation, have chosen to dedicate the day of their loved one's passing not to sorrow but to a memorial celebration. Your mother obviously was a great source of love and strength for her family. Celebrate her life, try not to mourn her death. Pass on her legacy of love to your own children. Her spirit will live on in the joy that her memory brings, not in the sorrow of her passing. Be patient, trusting in the message of Christmas, that you one day will be reunited again. Laura

Dear Laura: I wrote to you about 'missing my father,' and, unfortunately, I should have told you more about myself and I think your response would have been very different. Although my parents have always loved me, I have been loved by many others, and have been a 'giver' of love too, not just a 'recipient.'  I have been in love and had long-term relationships. Missing my dad's love is a different kind of love than one that can be filled by a boyfriend. I tried to explain that I cannot get beyond my grief/sadness and move on with my life. I feel stuck, as if I had a totally different life before than the one I have now. It's as if I was a different person before my dad died. I was very happy, very social, very outgoing. Now, I keep to myself, and cry all the time. I wish I could have found the answers I was looking for. Maybe there aren't any. [still missing my father]

original letter...
Dear Laura: I lost my beloved father 2 years ago, and, since that day, my heart has been broken. My father died in my arms, and I cannot get the images of the hospital/funeral out of my head. I can't talk about my loss or share any of the good memories because the pain from those last few days takes over anything good I remember. The day God called him home, my world fell apart. Now, it's Christmas once again, and I go through the motions for my family but I'm still numb.  My father was very healthy and his death was unexpected. I grieve for him every day of my life. My siblings, although they miss him too, are able to move on, however, I am stuck in my sadness.  My whole life changed that day and I am not the person I was. I don't have interest in my friends that I have known all my life and am only interested in the friendships I have made since this tradgedy because I believe they know me for who I am now and not who I was before like my old friends. I am not that person anymore. My mom is my best friend. Since my father's death, I have grown so protective of her.  If anything ever happened to her - like my father - I would just die. I am not a child, I am an adult. Can you tell me if this is normal? Am I going to feel this way forever? I do miss my old friends. Signed [missing my father]

Dear missing: The answers you are seeking are already yours. Listen to your own words, please look inside your heart...You say that God called your father home... Your family celebrates Christmas... I know that you'e hurting terribly, but now is the time for you to call upon the spiritual resources of the faith in which you were raised. Remember the promise that there is an existence after death, that this world is but a small part of a greater spiritual universe. Trust that you will see your father again, but know that you must be patient. We all have our own time and purpose here on earth. True, there may be nothing that can replace your father's love for now, but, in order for you to heal, you must try to accept what has happened and understand that loss is unavoidable in this life, but never permanent for those who believe. Laura

Dear Laura: Losing my father has definitely been the hardest road I have taken yet in my life. But by being a Christian, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I'll see him again. [anon.]

Dear Laura: Hi, it's me again. I know you've given me so much time, and now I'm asking for a primer... I think I wanted to keep a marriage and family together more than anything else in the world. Maybe it became my idol. I hope I haven't lost my soul in the process. (1) You asked if I saw divorce as a failure on my part. Perhaps I do. How does a woman caught up in this belief change? Are there practical step-by-step instructions? A book of self help? For so long, I believed any problems in our marriage were my fault because my husband has always been "the good guy" and presented that persona to the world in general. Now that I've realized that we've both had a part in our problems, I'm so-o-o angry, and I remember hurts and criticisms inflicted by my husband from years ago. 2) I don't understand how to "mentally separate" myself from my husband, as you indicated. That seems a whole different process from physical separation. I know what's done is done, we have to move on, etc. I just don't quite know how. Somehow, I hope for some kind of closure instead of just letting time take the edge off of the hurt and disappointment. Does that make sense? I'll understand if you can't devote anymore time to this never-ending saga - and, again, I thank you. [Beth]

Dear Beth: "Does that make sense?"... Yes, very much so. Time does take the intensity out of the disappointment and hurt, but, as you are now experiencing - and, I suspect, have experienced many times before - the hurt that is still there just below the surface; it never really goes away, and ignoring it just adds resentment to the emotional mix. What you're now coming to realize is that you need, expect, and deserve something different: a marriage based on mutual respect and love. When the two of you were younger, the demands of raising your children, etc., and the hope that things would eventually change were enough to keep you going. Now, that you're older - and, in your case, financially independent - the desire and possibility for change has taken on a new meaning. You do deserve closure. By closure, we mean a definite coming to terms with the way things are, or, if the status quo is not acceptable, a clear and satisfactory change in your life's direction.

But I think that you still want to be married. You have put so much effort into your marriage, that to give it up now without a fight would not in the long run be psychologically acceptable for you. If, though, after counseling - if you can get him to go - he still doesn't seem willing to change, then you're going to have to make some hard choices. You must honestly decide what's really important to you. In order to do this, you must distance yourself mentally from your husband. By distancing, I simply mean that you must force yourself to think about yourself first for a change. If you're still shading every important decision with how he would react or what he would want, that decision, in the long run, will not be the best one for you.

It may be that he will come around; or you may decide that he is, in his own quirky way, still worth the effort. But make this decision based on what your mental and spiritual needs are. Only then can you pick a course of action which will truly be life-affirming and beneficial. Good luck. Laura

Dear Laura: I lost my 11-year-old daughter on Jan.10, 2001. Although I know that she is no longer in any pain and I was with her when she passed, I miss her terribly. Everyone thinks I should just go on with my life like nothing happened because she is in a better place. The last eleven years have been spent taking care of her and living my life around taking care of her, and I feel totally lost. Also, I lost my best friend. We were very close. She was more than eleven years old, and, in the end, she was more worried about me. How do I go on without her?  When she passed away, it was the most beautiful experience of my life.  Even my pastor, who was with us, said it was unlike anything she had ever experienced. How do I keep from losing this peace that my daughter gave me, yet grieve at the same time? [Lynn]

Dear Lynn: If you truly believe that there is an existence beyond death, then you must also believe that your little angel has not left you - you are not alone. Though she may now be in heaven, trust that she hears her mother's prayers and knows of her tears. Grief is coming to terms with this separation, but the hope of being reunited is what can make it all bearable.

When it seems that you are feeling the worst and can no longer go on, talk to her and think of the peace that you initially felt - it was not an illusion. We all have our allotted time on this earth, it is not our place to judge God's plan. Remember that your daughter is by your side in spirit, and, one day, you will be together again. Laura

Dear Laura: I don't seem to be coping as well as other widows I've talked to. I am 58 years old and I have children and grandchildren. I always had a purpose to my life but that purpose passed away 12-27-98... I am crushed and losing my health(heart attack two months ago). I don't want to grieve my children, but I can't be a singles person like many on the Internet - it isn't me. This is a terrible state to be in and I am very lonely. If you have some wisdom to impart, I would appreciate the help. I work at a job full-time that I held before as just something to do. I don't care about it anymore. I need to have a commitment in my life but can't find any passion to find what it is. [anon.]

Dear anon: You do not need to get into the singles scene in order to meet someone again. There are many other opportunities out there to be with others your own age: volunteering, church groups, etc. It's the depression you're in which is keeping you from seeing the possibilities.

I would definitely recommend that you seek out a counselor or other professional(clergy or support group) who could help you work your way out of this crippling sadness that you're in. Depression affects the mind as well as the body, and, as you are only too aware, it can damage your health. If, at this point, you cannot find the energy to do this for yourself, please take care of yourself for your children's and grandchildren's sake. This can be the commitment which you were looking for while giving you the incentive that you need to begin. They've just lost a grandfather, do not put upon them the added burden of losing a beloved grandmother as well... Know that our prayers are with you. Laura

Dear Laura: I wrote to about a month ago, and have not found my response. I wrote about my father dying of cancer in 1999 and then in January of 2000. I was in a bad car accident with a girl walking down the highway and I hit her. Well, I am going to counseling but I still cannot figure out a way to forgive her for being on the road waiting for someone to kill her. It has more or less ruined my life for the last year and I think all I really want is to find a way of closure of this. I was not charged with anything and it was not my fault, but, deep down, me and my therapist think that I still blame myself even though I was just driving down the road that night. I would really, really appreciate any suggestions you have or anything. I have had a rough 3 years and I am really ready to close the most recent one(my accident). I think this is the neatest thing a person could do is what you do online giving advice, replying, or just someone to talk to. Hopefully, I will see your advice on this and try to work this out so I can get on with my life again with myself and two children. They need their old mom back, the one before the accident, not the one the accident created. Thank you so sooooo much. [anon.]

Dear anon: You're definitely feeling very guilty, though the person you have to forgive is not that girl, but yourself. For whatever reason she was on the road that night, you have to keep telling yourself that it was not your fault. (Our house is on a narrow, country road, and it can be quite a shock when someone appears all of a sudden out of the darkness and there's a near miss. This has happened to me several times; and, though it would not have been this driver's fault, the what-ifs, even when nothing happens, can eat at you if you're of a sensitive nature and you allow them to.)

What's happening with you and these feelings of guilt is not a mental weakness on your part, but, rather, a very natural response to a very traumatic event. The best way that you can fight and, eventually, weaken these repetitive, guilty messages in your head - and get your old life back - is to write down on a piece of paper - carry it with you at all times - these words, or some similar: It was not my fault. God knows that it was not my fault. This may seem silly at first, but this method has worked for many. Whenever those draining, nagging, little voices of blame start running through your mind, say to yourself the words above. Over time, along with counseling and forcing yourself to get back to your old routine(even if, at this point, you may feel that you're just going through the motions), these messages of blame should begin to fade. Good luck. And please write back to let us know how you're doing. Laura

Dear Laura: Our youngest son died three years ago. His older brother is getting married this March. We have asked that a picture be placed with a candle in the church in his memory. The bride does not want this to happen, [says] it will be too sad for a wedding. What do you think? [Sad Dad Sam]

Dear Sam: When you say WE, I'm assuming it's mainly you, his parents, who've made the request... I'm going to have to agree with the bride. This is her special day, she and her future husband should have the last say in this matter. It was ok for you to ask, but now allow the new couple and, really, the whole family, these next few weeks of happiness.

There are many other ways that you can honor your son's memory. To allow the living their brief moments of pleasure does in no way dishonor the dead. Especially, since the memory of his passing is still fresh and evokes mainly sorrow, this wedding is not the time nor the place.

Please, go and let yourself enjoy this wonderful time in your older son's life. Your hearts and spirits need a break from the sadness of the past three years; there will be other times to mourn. Laura

Dear Laura: I need to talk to some moms that have lost a teenage child.[Debbie] farawayezzz@yahoo.com

Dear Laura: I just lost my mom and it was a shock. She was not ill. My sister and I are in so much pain and deal with it in different ways. More than anything, I need to know that my mom is with my dad now and that there IS life for her with God; that she can hear me if I talk to her, and that our bodies are only temporary and the soul lives on and we will be together again. I know this is about faith. I plan on talking to the priest who said the mass for my mom's funeral, as he was wonderful. But I just thought I'd write a letter since you are here for people like me. [Lynn]  

Dear Lynn: Yes, it is about faith, especially at a time like this: but having faith in what your heart tells you and knowing that what it tells you is true; for, while many philosophies and religions teach that there is more to existence than what we can see with our physical senses, how many of us can really accept it as fact? It's one thing to talk about heaven and all that, but it takes a strong faith in God and trust in our God-given gift of intuition to truly see beyond this physical reality.

Lynn, your mother does know of your sorrow and your tears. She, most definitely, has been in communication with you, but it is a soul at peace that is most receptive to these spiritual messages: your pain is blocking your heart's perception or even acknowledgement of her presence. What you must concentrate on now is getting yourself through your grief and sorrow to a mental place of acceptance and peace. This will take a definite effort and desire on your part, along with the counsel of your priest when the going gets rough, but, with time, you will be able to feel your mother's spirit by your side and know that you and your sister are not alone. Laura

Dear Laura: We recently suffered the tragic loss of our 18-year-old son on his 18th birthday. Our one consolation is our 15-year-old daughter. We are considering having another child (we are 40) - not as a replacement but as someone to help us glue the crack in our heart. [anon.] 

Dear anon:  I think you know that there will always be a scar on your hearts; but, yes, as caring people, the best way that you can get back into life is through sharing yourselves once again. Now whether this would be through having another child of your own, adoption, or reaching out in some other way is up to you and your family's particular abilities and resources. Done thoughtfully and with due consideration, this would help in your healing as a family, as well as be a worthy tribute to your son's memory. (Please do not rush this process. There is no good quick-fix to such a terrible loss. Healing progresses at its own pace... And, do not leave your daughter out of such an important decision - she's also been hurt by recent events. She, at least, needs to be informed of what's going on.) Laura

Dear Laura: Today[February 22] is my mom's birthday; she would have been 85. She passed away May 17, 2000. My dad passed Dec.29,1998. Ever since mom passed, I have had this "total" emptiness. I am single, no children and no family.I did not go to work yesterday nor today due to the way I feel. It will soon be one year and this emptiness has not lessened. I realize, since it's her birthday and with her not here, I'm sad; but this is a continuous, on-going feeling and today its even more so. I love and miss my parents so very much. I want to be with them and not here any more. I am not suicidal, I just am so lost and empty inside and don't know how to correct it. I don't know what to do. Thanks for listening. [anon.]

Dear anon: Your parents' love still surrounds and protects you; while they may have passed on from this physical reality, those bonds of love remain, holding your spirit to theirs. Trust that one day you will be together again, but, for now, there must be this temporary separation.

I recommend that you seek the services of a counselor or therapist who can help you work your way out of this depression; for you to find your life's purpose again, you'll need to recover from these debilitating symptoms. With the proper help and your own desire, you can be happy once more. There still is much for you to both give and receive from life, just keep reminding yourself that you are not alone - your parents' love has made you who you are and will always be with you. Laura

Dear Laura: My grandma died last year and, every time I think of her, I get really sad and cry. I want to go to heaven to see her. I am 8 years old. My mom is typing this letter. [JRA]

Dear JRA: Oh, sweetie, you don't have to go to heaven to see your grandma. All you need to do is talk to her whenever you miss her or feel sad. Just like an angel, your grandma can hear you and sees what you do. If you listen real hard and talk to her quiet-like as if it were a prayer, you will be able to feel her by your side. We can only go to heaven when God calls us, and now is not your time.

You still have many important and fun things to do here on earth; but know that you will never be alone, for your grandma and her love will always be with you. Laura

Dear Laura: I am married to a wonderful woman and have 2 beautiful children. I love my wife dearly. We are very committed to each other and we rarely fight about anything. There is one item that greatly troubles me, however, and has led to several arguments over the past few years. My wife is a stay-at-home mom. Our children are one and three  She is also very close to her mother. Because of this, she sees her mother daily. Her mother comes over several times a week to help her with the kids and my wife also goes over to her mother's house several times a week. My mother often complains to me that my wife never brings the children to see her. She seems to be jealous that my wife's mother sees the children all week and she only sees them 2 or 3 times a month(yet my mother does not make much of an effort to come visit). My wife refuses to take the kids to my mother's house unless I am with her. This means only 2-3 weekend visits a month (since I work long hours and travel during the week). My wife says that my mother is very rude to her and meddles in our affairs when she is alone with her. I see my mother as the loving person who raised me and my wife sees her as a rude, meddling mother-in-law who makes her extremely uncomfortable(my mother does suffer from mood swings and has been diagnosed with depression before). I don't want to pressure my wife into doing something she doesn't want to do, yet I want my children to be as comfortable around my parents as they are around my wife's. The only way that will happen is if they see them more. Any words of advice? Should I just drop the issue or risk damaging a wonderful marriage? [Paul]

Dear Paul: You love your mother and you love your wife. You say you have a wonderful marriage... You may have to settle for things just the way they are. There's truth on both sides here: your mother is the same, sweet woman who raised you and - to your wife - a meddling mother-in-law.

Visiting two or three times a month seems frequent enough to this outsider. Just make sure that the time your family spends with your mother is special. The children still will have many pleasant memories of their grandmother and there'll be peace in the family - which is a very pleasant memory for all to have.

You're bond to two very strong-willed women both of whose love is important to you, though, at this stage in your life(a married man and all), your wife's concerns should be given first consideration. You're going to have to continue to be the diplomat: not pressuring your wife, yet still visiting your mother's house as often as possible while explaining the situation to your mother in words that won't hurt her feelings or sound too critical of your wife. This may be the price you have to pay to keep them both happy, but, in the long-run, it'll be worth it. Laura

Dear Laura: My sister, who was only 18 months younger than me, died last month after a short illness. We were always so close - like twins, even. I don't think I can go on. Though I am in my 40's, I feel so much like a lost child. How can I go on? My sister was everything to me. My husband is a dear, but he doesn't really understand. He's worried and says I should think of him and the kids, but my sister was the one I confided in. I don't know what to do. Can you help? [Marianne]

Dear Marianne: Your loss is so very recent, you're still in shock. Ideally, you should be able to confide in your husband. You say he's a dear... Give him a second chance. I have a feeling that he'll be up to the task if given the opportunity. Let him know what you're feeling and, most importantly, what you need emotionally from him - don't leave him guessing. You may find that this terrible tragedy will lead to a closeness in your marriage which the two of you may have not exercised fully before. Do seek professional counseling to help you find your way through the many, intense feelings that will arise from your pain. But, turn to your husband when you need that extra bit of personal care that only a loved one can provide. You can go on, Marianne; there are many loving hearts in your family circle who care for you and want to help - please let them. Laura

Dear Laura: My grandmother passed away on Tuesday, February 27, 2001. It was totally unexpected and my mother is devastated. My grandmother had 12 children (8 girls and 4 boys) and it was heartbreaking seeing all of them cry at her funeral yesterday. I find myself crying now typing this letter to you. I feel so much grief and guilt because I didn't get to spend as much time with her when she was still alive. I feel like I lost a big opportunity to talk to her and just know her better. I love her so much and I miss her. How do I deal with this grief? Help me. [anon.]

Dear anon: Your grandmother obviously was a special person who touched many people and left a lot of love behind. Talk to those who knew her. Let them share their memories with you; they're grieving also. You do not need to grieve alone. New bonds of love and a strengthened sense of family can grow out of this shared loss. Your grandmother would be proud of you as you honor her memory by caring for those she loved - that includes you. Laura

Dear Laura: I'm 28. My little brother, Pete, 19, was killed in a car accident four months ago. My little buddy, my best friend, and the reason I lived was to make the kid smile. Because of the age difference, he had always been like a son to me too. People tell me I have to work to move on and I know I guess they are right but it is very hard for me to see the point. Move on to what? - life without Pete? I cannot tolerate the thought. It has sucked the life out of life. Things are purposeless. I do not know what to do. I just want my buddy back, and, although I know this is not possible, ... all I think of [is] Pete. [anon.]

Dear anon: Your loss is still fresh; but, with time, the pain will fade. Deep down, you must know that your life is not without purpose. A big heart and a gift of caring are why you were put on this earth. Pete was the lucky first recipient of your attention, but there still are others who need you. It may seem impossible now, but, the sooner you can bring yourself to reach out once more, the sooner will be your healing. Laura

Dear Laura:  Q: Hello.You aren't easy to contact [ :( ]

Q(for real - short and sweet as possible):
My parents are old, frail, sick(one with Parkinson's); [I have] diabetes, possible Parkinson's(early age - I'm 45). [My dilemma is] I'm the only available/family(non-professional) caregiver to Mom and Dad. I believe I should keep them in the dark regarding my problems/illness. True or false? Right or wrong? Please let me know. Thanks. [MLP]

P.S.
Any extra prayers, please send my way.Thanks.

Dear MLP: I receive hundreds of letters a week and, thus, on these free pages, can only respond to a few of them. I'll get back with an answer(here) towards the end of this week(March 5th). Many of my readers might already suspect that I may give a qualified no about keeping your parents in the dark, but I still need to think about it. Of course, you're in our prayers. Laura

Dear MLP: Here is my answer - really, two answers, depending on your unique circumstances; you know your parents best. If your parents are mentally frail, or if you know for a fact that news of your condition would only cause them to worry themselves sick, then I see no need to tell them the truth. What would be the point? But if your parents are sound mentally, then they still need to be treated with respect as the adults they are. Tell them.

In either case, you must understand their interactions with you in light of their knowledge. If you choose not to tell them the truth - which you may feel you have to do - don't then become angry with them if they seem to be putting too many demands on you. This doesn't mean that you should do more than you're able, but you'll need to learn to manage their requests and your own needs somehow. You've taken on quite a burden - there's much to be said for telling the truth.

Also, I'm concerned that, while busy now with your parents, you may not be thinking about your own care in the future if things take a turn for the worse. Please work on building those family connections which you can draw upon later should the need arise. I do hope your other family members are aware and appreciate what your're doing for your/their(?) parents. Laura

Dear Laura: I lost my my mother to cancer nearly 5 months ago and, previous to that, my father died of a stroke just 11 months before. Now, I have a good friend whose husband has just been diagnosed with a fatal cancer. His outlook is poor and he should not live out the year.  I find myself avoiding my friend now, as the thought of her husband passing away just sends me into fits of crying.  I want to be a support to her, but I find I am so sad after I talk to her as it brings up all my own grief. I want to be there for her, but I find, when I talk to her, it is superficial and I feel awkward. I told her to forgive me, that the events with her husband bring up my grief for my mom, and she apologized!  Then I felt really awful. What can I do, Laura, to be a support to her, but at the same time, take care of myself and my grieving?  I don't want to shut her out when she needs me more than ever! [anon.]

Dear anon: We all have our strengths and weaknesses. It's a shame that you have to be thrown all this grief at once, but that's often the way it is. You're going to have to deal with the situation the best you can - that's all that can be expected of anyone. At least, your friend seems to understand - that's a help. For now, you may only be able to give her your support from a distance or in small, manageable chunks: write her a letter or a card; if you live close by, send over some comfort food; if you feel up to it, call her and just let her talk. The main thing is to remain in touch as much as your own hurt will allow. Later, you may find that reaching out to console her can be a great healer for yourself as well. The two of you are in a unique situation of shared loss and grief. You can both help and draw strength from each other if you can force yourself to reach - if only a little a first - beyond your own pain... Our prayers are certainly with both of you. Laura

Dear Laura: I have lost 3 babies due to miscarriage in the last 10 months. My grief seems insurmountable. My husband does not share in this and does not believe that the miscarriages were actual babies. I feel so alone and our marriage is suffering. How do I get past this and move on? [anon.]

Dear anon: Your husband has to understand that bonding between a mother and child begins long before the baby's birth. As marriage partners and as a team, the two of you need to help each other through the hard times whether they be emotional or physical(for better or for worse, etc.). But when we say for better or for worse, it is not meant just what you alone perceive to be as better or worse. Each of us has our own way of reacting to the events in our life: what may be simply difficult emotionally for one person may be devastating for another. As partners, you need to, if not fully understand the other's reaction, at least accept it for what it is and try to help them through it - to not do so shows a definite lack of respect; and, as you are now experiencing, keeps this emotional wound from ever properly healing.

Try sitting down with your husband and explaining to him that - maybe even as much as the miscarriages - his seeming lack of sympathy is hurtful to you. Do not start the conversation in an accusatory tone of voice. Assume that he means well. Let him read this letter if it helps. He may not realize the true depth of your pain or know how to help unless you gently and directly tell him. Laura

Dear Laura: My fiancé was killed last July in a horrible auto accident. Lately, I am having dreams about him. Last night, I had a dream that he came back to me and we got married on the spot. Later, we were talking and I said in movies the person who dies always comes back. He looked at me and said, "I will always come back to you." He was only 24. I think I am going crazy. Please help. [Melissa]

Dear Melissa: No, you're not going crazy; though, at times, it may feel that way - to you, this is all so strange and new. But the message in your dreams is very clear: You and your fiancé have a special bond which neither death nor time can destroy. He's telling you that, whenever you need him, he'll be there to help guide you.Through the pathway of dreams, you've made a connection with the spiritual; but it is not something to be afraid of. Accept it for what it is: your experience is a rare blessing and a gift. You may now feel alone, but know that, in reality, you are surrounded by so much love.

Please take advantage of this special connection that your heart has created. Keep a journal of your dream experiences. Reflect on their meaning.Yours will be a special and happy life if you can learn to understand their message and follow its wisdom. Laura

Dear Laura: I just returned to your site after a long time, and read the experience of Andrea and her beloved mother who passed away. It may sound very strange that I too miss my husband ever since he passed away last year, but I dreamt of him only once that we were going in our car on a path which looked up hill, the car had to be stopped on the uphill road, my husband got out and started to walk the uphill path, and myself tried to follow him. I asked him something about leaving me behind[exactly I cannot remember], and he said, "From now on, you will have to walk alone." And, saying this, he walked away. I suddenly woke up.

There was just one more dream: I saw that my husband and my dog [the dog died just two days before my husband passed away] coming together in the doorway and I felt so happy to see them, just like the old times before the tragedy struck. It was some time last year.Barring these two dreams, there is no link. I must mention that last year soon after my husband passed away, two people closest to me - my maid servant and my closest friend - each had a dream  of my husband two days apart. First, my maid described her dream one morning that she had a dream of the dog and my husband together in in the garden; my husband was wearing the white garment and he instructed her to keep water for the dog in the dog bowl. I took the maid's dream very lightly.Two days later, I forget all about it, and, as I was talking to my friend about something,and casually I mentioned the maid's dream, my friend seemed hesitant in talking, but she informed me that she had a dream of my husband yesterday; he was in a  white garment and he seemed very [concerned?] about me. She also said that if she mentioned this I would ceretainly believe. It was very scary at first to think of my husband in the dreams of  other  people. Especially in India, it is seen that the person has not found salvation, and, according to the scriptures, some wordly attachments are keeping the soul tied to this material world. It is said that our grief ceretainly comes in the way before the soul merges in the all-prevading presense called godhead, the origin of everything.

I tried to control myself and my feelings thinking that I should not hold and tie my husband from the great reunion. I still miss him as any mortal would miss a soul mate. Some people who are considered sacred advised me to go to a place called Gaya [close to Buddha Gaya, in the eastern India in a state called BIhar] a place for which it is said that those who go there and perform the ritual called "Pind Dan" for any of their loved ones, [can] give the salvation to not only to the departed soul but to the ten generations of the ancestors. It may sound very odd to you, but thinking the about the right thing to do, I made a visit to the place and had the ritual performed duely soon after the incidents of the dream. Did I do the right thing? I still think of my husband and the dog and my father. All left this world last year within three months apart .You have been a source of light to me. I have to thank you for the book you had sent very kindly. The distance between the continents still makes it possible for me to reach you through your site. Thank you, Laura.[Anand] ... another letter below

Dear Laura: Soon after I had sent you the note, I recollected that, just four or five days before my husband passed away last year, I had severe depression and I for some [unknown] reason I found and felt that I will go mad. And I was puzzled because I never felt that way, and called my best friend to say this. Of course, prayers helped and I came to feel normal after a couple days. When the dog died two days later, I tried to put it on that loss, and then, two days later, when my husband passed away. Now I know that it was perhaps an indication of the future events, but I failed to see the writing on the wall. It is so strange that we are given the hints by the unseen and the unknown to prepare for the events which may affect our lives. In my case, I perhaps lacked the awareness to and also the subtle hint. I thought of sharing it with you because you also try to open our eyes and  teach us to fine tune our receptiveness for the messages. I am  learning to review  the time and the signs if there are any. Maybe we all are sent the signs of the times to come before it actually takes place. I am truly grateful to you and the site. Best wishes always. [Anand]

Dear Anand: It's true that we are surrounded daily by indications of what will be. Those who can learn to trust their God-given gift of intuition find that the world is a much richer and kinder place to be than those who ignore the signs and, thus, stumble about blindly, facing events(both happy or sad) with little or no preparation...

But in response to your first letter: Yes, you did the right thing. Oftentimes, the rituals that we, the living, perform are for our own benefit as much as for our departed loved ones. It was good that you went to this holy place. But you were not keeping your husband from salvation. It was his love and concern for you that necessitated these dream messages. Knowing the type of person that he was, could you expect anything less? He needed to reassure you that things are as they were meant to be. He did not want you to waste away grieving for him. He is at peace, but know that you are not alone: through your love and connection with his kind spirit, you, yourself, are closer now to God. Laura
                                     
Dear Laura: It was not long ago that I wrote to you and said that I thought my sister was sleeping until Jesus came for His people. And that, since I thought this, I got no comfort thinking she was here with me. Well, I was sitting here at my computer the other day and remembered something that I had forgot about. Four days after we buried my sister, she came to me in a dream. I didn't think anything of it at the time - just thought I was missing her and that was the reason I was dreaming of her - until I remembered what the dream was about. We were laying across my bed like we always did talking about our life. I was telling her how much I missed her and that I wish she was still here. She looked at me and said. "I know" and then changed the subject to saying, "It's a good thing I had life insurance on the house." I looked at her and said, "Carie, you didn't. Your husband called and they said you didn't take any out." She then said, "I know I did. It is in the box on my counter with all my important papers in it." I woke up and remember telling my mom about the dream. But I told her that I wasn't going to call over there and tell them that Carie came to me in a dream and said she had insurance on the house. They would think I had gone crazy. She and I were very close. She was only three years younger than I was, so we told each other everything. If I would have called them they would have thought I was just missing her pretty bad - which I was. How could I not be? I know that you are very busy. You must get a lot of letters and e-mails. Thank you for your time in reading mine. I love your site and the Loving Memories site also. They have been very helpful to me and a lot of my family members. Thank you again. [Melissa]

Dear Melissa: And?!... Did you ever eventually check it out? Was there a policy? Please don't leave us hanging. It could be that insurance is all that this is about, or there may be another message mixed in with the symbolism of this dream. Laura

Dear Laura: It is me again, Melissa. The answer to your question is no - there wasn't any insurance on the house. That's why I had forgotten about it. It made no sense to me and I just thought like everyone else that maybe I was just missing her. But I had wrote you confused on this "they are with you thing." And I was sitting here waiting for your response when I remembered that she did come to me in a dream. It felt so real but yet not. I don't know how to explain it. I am still having a very hard time with her being gone. Somedays, I just sit and wander when will it all be over? The grief and the heartache? It feels like it is going to be here forever. She was only 26 and had three very young and beautiful girls. I think that that is the hardest part of all: the children. As far as she goes, it hurts but I understand that she is in such a wonderful place. I miss her for her children and don't allow myself to think of her not being here for the major thing's that those girls need their mother for. She was such a wonderful person: always had a smile to give everyone and never a bad word to say about anyone. Is there any way I can get her to come back to me in my dreams? There is so much I want to tell her and so much I need to ask her. Like how she wants things done with her precious girls. I wish I would have asked all those things long before now. I am a mother of four children myself and the thought of leaving them without my wishes known would kill me. Again, thank you for your time and, if you can figure out what that dream meant, I am all ears to try to understand it. It may be the only thing I have left to link me to my sister. Thanks again. Until later. [Melissa]

Dear Melissa: The message in your dream is so direct and simple (a classic dream metaphor): Your sister is entrusting her children to you. Through you, she knows that they will become who they were meant to be. This does not mean that you will have to take them into your own home but that you should keep in close touch with them, passing on to them that wonderful sense of love and family that you and your sister shared. The love between the two of you is still very strong. That's what has created this link between heaven and earth. You can expect this connection to remain intact as long as you allow yourself to believe.

To become an active participant in these dreams, I recommend that you, as you lie in bed before sleep, fix in your mind the idea that you will speak with your sister this night. Have by your bedside a paper and pencil so that you might write down any dream images, feelings, or words immediately upon awaking before you forget them. If the message within a dream is not obvious at first, self-reflection along with your personal knowledge of your family's history and an understanding of your own and your family's unique shared, psychological symbolism should allow you to divine the messages within these special dreams. Laura

Dear Laura: I have been grieving now for 4 full years. My younger brother died of AIDS at age 32 on April 1st, 1997. We had been separated physically, because of a broken home, for close to 22 years.  When we were growing up, we had a strong bond. We really loved each other. Only 1 year apart in age, I was older, we were like twins. However, when problems started between our parents, he got the worst of it and was forced to leave home by age 12.  He never recovered from this and ended up living a life of filled with drugs, sex and other substances. I went away from our home travelling overseas seeking a better life. I was angry at him for a long time for causing problems in our life (my life) and whenever we met we had harsh word for each other. Our relationship was strained way into adulthood.

When I found out he had AIDS, I was still travelling and rushed to his side. In that short time (6 weeks), I was able to reconnect with him, sometimes through fights and anger. However, by the time he died, we had made peace and he asked me to take care of his kids. I agreed to his request. His death was a horrible one with only my mother and I really staying by his side. 

Four years later, I am still experiencing pain. It usually happens one week before April 1st, the anniversary of his passing. I suddenly become really sick and most of the time cannot move from my house. I am tired, anxious, irritable, and depressed. Sometimes, it is so bad I cannot function at all and am totally paralyzed on all levels. It was really bad the first year and was more obvious but, as time has gone on, it has become less obvious. This year, I did not realize it had happened until I asked my husband what date it was and he said April 1st. It was then I realized I had lost a whole week. I was so sick. It felt like my lungs were filling up with stuff and I would try to cough but it would not budge... But the symptoms did not leave until the morning of April 1st. My brother died on April 1st, 1997 at 6:30. His lungs filled up with fluid and he passed on. It feels like I am going through what he must have gone through. He was buried on April 4th and my sickness usually fully fades by then. It feels as if he is still with me even in death. On March 31 this year, my daughter went to my altar where I burn incense and she tilted over the incense burner which was filled to the brim. Part of that incense was from the 6 weeks I had prayed and burned incense while he was dying in '97. I still had it with me along with 4 years of burned incense on top of it. When I saw that she had spilled it, I immediately felt like she had done something to help me. My husband thought I would have gotten angry, but I just felt a feeling of peace and cleaned it up thinking now this is the time to begin anew. Can you tell me what is going on? Thank you. [anon.]

Dear anon: Trapped in your grief for four years, you were punishing yourself again and again - perhaps, at some level, trying to atone for a sense of guilt - by experiencing what he must have suffered. But, psychologically and spiritually, you were ready to move on. Down deep, you must have realized that this had gone on long enough, but habits are hard to break - even ones that have ended their usefulness. Your spirit knew that this was so, though you were ignoring its messages. You, literally, needed a push to snap yourself out of it. The destruction of your altar - the altar to your guilt - was that push. A deep feeling of peace is a clear message from the soul that what it sees is true and good. To avoid such needless pain in the future, you need to take time for self-reflection. You must get in touch with your spiritual side. There is much to be learned from listening to those wise and gentle messages from the soul. If heeded, they can help us more easily journey through this earthly experience called life. Laura

Dear Laura: I appreciate this opportuity to share my feelings and receive some outside advice.  My father passed away just recently. I really needed to talk to him. Even though I have loved him tremendously forever, I did not show it as much as I should have. He remarried after his last wife's death six years ago. Since he remarried, I did not come around often because I felt uncomfortable with his wife. Just before he died, the doctor told me he would get better before he got worse and gave him about 6 months to live, [yet] within 7 days he was gone. I also could not talk to him as he was so heavily medicated in which the doctor also told me that he should not be in that kind of pain and should not be that medicated. I kept thinking he was going to be better so we could talk but he never was awake enough to talk to. I have a real problem thinking she - the wife - over-medicated him to keep him asleep,. Of course, he did not eat either because he was too doped up... I told her what the doctor told me, and she said hospice told her the doctors lie to the family and depend on hospice to tell them the worst. Anyway, because of this, I did not get my opportunity to tell my father just how proud I have always been of him and what a wonderful father he has been to me - I am an only child. I feel that he may have thought I really didn't care, particularly being his only child. My mother and father divorced when I was 9 years old; they did not get along so there was more time lost. I have missed my father all of my life and I just wanted to tell him. Thanks for being here. [anon.]

Dear anon: This should be a reminder for all of us not to allow circumstances to get in the way of our letting those we love know our true feelings; though, from your letter, you seem to be a young person who might not have felt, at the time, that you had any control over what was going on with your parents. As an adult, you now want to reach out. Tragically, this is so very common: Children often find themselves in the emotional middle when there's a divorce.

... But you want to know what can be done now. If you've read the letters on these pages, you've seen the stories of those who have reached out to that other, spiritual side of existence. Your father does know that you're proud of him. The simple act of clarifying your thoughts and emotions through the writing of your letter was the beginning of what can be a renewed awarenenss on your part of the connection that will always exist between your spirit and his. Just as many feel the need to send a message to a loved one who has passed on - and then a deep sense of relief when a letter has been "sent" by whatever means, such as a public posting to a bulletin board or the mere fact that it was written, though placed in a drawer - your instincts are leading you towards a reconnection with your father. Do not distrust these God-given instincts. There is a timeless truth imprinted within the soul that cannot be denied. Follow your feelings, express your emotions. "Write" daily messages to your father. Tell him that you love him. He does hear you. It is never too late. In time, if you listen very carefully with your heart, you will be able to hear him whisper to you - spirit to spirit- "...Yes, I know." Laura

Dear Laura: My wife and I have been married for 12 years, and we have 2 children. She has just recently asked me to move out because I told her parents that they were not welcome in my home. They are coming for 3 days, and we see them a total of 2-3 times a year. Her mom has always said and done things that indicate to me that she didn't care for me, from the day we met. My wife says she does not mean these things, but that leaves me wondering why she says and does them. Consequently, we have never gotten along, and I just decided that I did not want to put myself in her way, and I told her that she was not welcome. I had previously told my wife that other accomodations could be arranged. They have a motor home and there is a park down the road. My wife told me that it was my problem, and that they were coming regardless, so when they called this morning, I told them they were not welcome. My wife has taken this problem to her friends and she tells me that our friends think I'm a moron and that I should just be nice while they are here. I am nice until mom starts her mouth going, then I just clam up. I just feel that I have the right to request that they not come to our house, and that I should not be made to leave on this account. Can you shed some insight? Thank you, [John D]

Dear John: Asking you to move out is a bit severe - this has to be just the tip of the iceberg: many other simmering, long-term issues are involved here. Before you both say or do anything more that might destroy this twelve-year commitment, you need to sit down and honestly list the top three things that each of you finds most bothersome. Taking turns, really listen and try to look at a problem from the other's point of view. Obviously, a lot of emotion has been suppressed over the years through a lack of communication which has now resulted in this blow up. At this stage in the crisis, you may have to seek the help of a counselor or other third party, who can begin the process calmly and keep the two of you on track rather than have an attempt at reconciliation turn into a quarrel if you try this alone. Laura

Dear Laura: I lost my mom one year ago and I am still as sad, lonely and depressed as the day she died. I have never felt so lonely in my entire life. When she died, inside I died. Nothing matters. I am so crabby with everyone and I cry all the time. Work is so hard, being a family is hard; and I go to call her just to talk to her. When I go to the cemetery, I talk to her. How can I go on? I miss her soooo much. Answer me please. I wrote to you after she died and would love to hear your wisdom. My life is collapsing. [MOB]

Dear MOB: You are searching for her in all the wrong places. You must learn to listen to your heart now and not your ears. Know that your mother has passed on to that spiritual side of existence where our physical senses can be more of a hindrance than an aid. You must rely now on your heart and your intuition to guide you. Trust them, they will tell you the truth when your sorrow will not.

Expect to be happy again. I sense that you've been receiving spiritual messages for some time now, but have either ignored them or put them off to your imagination. Take time to reflect upon the events of each day; reassess them now from a spiritual point of view. Force yourself to see beyond the surface of things to the meaning they convey. All experience contains a lesson or message. Think hard about what I have suggested. You mother is by your side. You are not alone. With time and patience, the acceptance of this healing reality will bring joy and peace to your life once more. Laura

Dear Laura: Please, help if you can... On the 19th of April, 2001, it will make 4 years that my mother has been gone. I am having trouble understanding why it is so hard for everyone in my family to talk about my mother. It's almost like out of sight out of mind, but I know it's really not like that at all. My dad and I can sit down and talk about my mother and all the good things in life she did and how she loved everyone; but, as far as my brothers and sister go, every time you even try to say something about my mother, they walk away. And, it is so hard on my sister; she has only been to my dad's house 4 times in the last 4 years. And, my brothers never go over to see him; they just don't understand how much they are hurting Dad by staying away. I know it is painful for them but we still have a parent to take care of. We are all over 30. Please, if you think I am being to hard, tell me. I love my family very much but my mother would want us all to go on and be happy and to take care of our dad. So, please, help me to understand how I can help them with their pain. [Gail]

Dear Gail: We all grieve in our own way: some can face the pain, others try to run from it. I wouldn't be too hard on your siblings... BUT, it has been four years now; there needs to be some movement in the situation. At some point in time, grieving has to give way to honoring and remembrance; otherwise, how could life go on?

As you said, we are all over 30(that means adults). Your siblings - unless they're in some sort of deep clinical depression - should be able to understand that the care of their elderly father must be paramount. While it may be painful for them to talk about Mother, for your father, she seems to have been his whole life. Must he now give that up the happy memories, the memories of all those good years together? What is a major problem here is that your brothers and sister seem to be fixating on the pain of their loss, rather than honoring your mother's memory by focusing on the good that she brought to the family. As a start, try talking to them in a gentle, non-accusatory way. Find out if they're even aware of how this is affecting Dad.(I'm assuming that your family was close before your mother's death, and not that she was the glue that held it together. Issues of anger against your father now may be surfacing since she is not there to act as the peacemaker. In which case, you have a much more difficult situation here. One which you'e not going to be able to fix on your own.)

But, if yours was a loving family up until your mother's death, then, at least, suggest that all of you(don't make it seem like you've been better about this than the rest of them) owe your father the courtesy of putting aside your own pain and allowing him the enjoyment of his memories. If you must dwell on the negative, try to keep it to yourselves for those few brief visits to his house. These grown children need to see it as a duty that they owe him. In time, as a byproduct of this duty, they may come to find that there can much comfort in remembering the good times and not dwelling on the bad, which, incidentally, can be a constructive way out of one's own grief. Good luck. Laura

Dear Laura: I know you are a very busy lady and I am sorry to keep bothering you, but I sent you an email a while back about some(VERY BAD) dreams I have been having about watching my mother die. The dreams have gotten so bad now that I only sleep 3 or 4 hours a night if I am lucky. I have done almost everything I told my mother I would do just before she passed. I take care of my dad the best I can. The only thing I have not done that I told her I would is stop smoking but I just don't have the will power to do it. Could this be the reason for the bad dreams because I have not done what I told her I would do or is it just all in my head like the doctor said it was? Smoking is what took my mother's life. [SGS]

Dear SGS: The reason that you keep having these disturbing dreams is that you have lost that essential sense of having any control over your life. Watching your mother suffer and die was a terrible shock to your system. These images of her suffering and your parallel feelings of complete helplessness have left you stuck in a state of seemingly permanent grief and terror. We all feel helpless at times, we all feel sad or scared, but this intense emotional and physical ordeal that you shared so intimately with your mother has left this mental and emotional "movie" running continuously in your consciousness - yes, this was a physical ordeal for you as well.

You want to stop these images, to escape from their presence. You search for ways to make them go away, to interpret their cause and, thus, their remedy. But, dear one, you are looking in all the wrong places... These terrible dreams are not happening because you're being punished for a promise not kept - smoking is one of the hardest addictions to beat - but because you have yet come to an acceptance of what has happened. Force yourself to focus on the present fact that your mother's pain is gone. She is in heaven; she is at peace.

You have within your spirit the power to heal yourself. Look to the spiritual side of your being. When you start to think of your mother's death, the images surrounding her suffering, drown them out with positive images, positive healing thoughts. As an aid in this, write down these simple words: She is at peace. She is in heaven. She is an angel by my side. Use these healing words, or some others of your choosing, to drown out those debilitating, frightful images which do not belong to you. Carry these healing words with you at all times. Each night, reread them slowly, quietly, at least three times before you go to bed. Have these positive thoughts in your mind as you drift off to sleep. You can control your dreams. You can find peace again. Laura

Dear Laura: Thank you so very much. I did what you said and life is going a little better. I am getting more sleep now and taking each day as God gives it to me. Again, thank you and may God always bless you and your family. [SGS]

A reader/friend's reply: (This is a note for SGS.) My mom died because of a smoking-related disease. I also smoked for 16 years. You will find the strength in your own time to quit. I'm still having a hard time with her death. Senseless, although, many of her best conversations or time spent together were over a cigarette, and I feel bad about that because now she is gone. I just wanted to tell you that I understand what you are saying, really I do. Laura has been great. Respond if you would like to email. [Helen]

For Helen: Thank you for your note. I can't tell you how many times I sat at the table with my mother and talked and smoked and now when I look back on those times I wish I could have done something to change that. It's too late for me to help my mother now but I can change myself so I can be here for my kids when they want or need to talk, and, some day, I will do it without smoking(very soon, I hope ). [SGS]

Dear Laura: Here is a poem you might like to share with your readers[Sue]...
Always Near
(author unknown)
I stood by your bed last night,
I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were mourning,
You found it hard to sleep.
My spirit whispered softly as you brushed away a tear,
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast,
I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times,
You had passed this time with me.

I was with you where you went today,
Your heart was feeling sore.
I longed to run and jump and spin,
And hear you laugh for more.

I was with you at my grave today,
You tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you,
That I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house,
As you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on yours,
I smiled and said "It's me".
You looked so very tired as you sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know,
That I was standing there.

It's possible for me, to be so near you every day,
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly,
Then smiled, I think you knew.
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.

The day is over now and as you try to go to sleep,
Feel my love like furry snuggles
Beneath the covers deep.

And when the time is right for you
To cross the brief divide,
I'll rush across to greet you
And we'll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show you,
There is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live you journey out
Then come home to be with me.

Dear Laura: I have lost, in the last two years, three of the dearest beings in my life: my dad, then my mom, then my best friend, Taffy (my pet cocker of 11years). I don't know if what I'm feeling is self-pity or genuine grief, but I think it's probably both. I'm depressed and need someone to talk some sense into me. On the other hand, I also need to know how I can contact someone who can help me communicate with these vanished and dearest spirits. [Adrienne]

Dear Adrienne: I would be more than happy to help if you, on your part, would be willing to help the rest of us by allowing our correspondence to be posted for others to witness on these pages.

First, know that spiritual communication is not something which is reserved for a select few: we all possess this ability at some level. With the proper guidance and a sympathetic ear, you will be able to feel the presence of your departed loved ones and decipher their faint, spiritual messages. You are definitely surrounded by much love, but sorrow is keeping you from that healing awareness of it.

Please let me know if you want my help. There'll be no charge, but the first thing you should do is get a copy of my book Crossing the Rainbow Bridge. After you have read it and thought about its message, get back with me. Be hopeful, you are about to begin a new chapter of your life: one that, through a healing knowledge of the power and endurance of love, can be full of joy and peace once again. The decision is up to you. Laura

Dear Laura: It will be two years in June that my mom passed away. I thought that I was doing okay.The past 3 weeks though, I've been so emotional. Crying in private, moody, just not coping with things like I should. I'm a mom of three, the youngest is three. The days are long and filled with "their" stuff much of the time. I'm also a part-time nurse. I just feel out of control and very unhappy right now. I think of my mom often during the day. I need her so much right now and I don't know what to do with those feelings. I can't believe that she is not here when I need her so very much. She was the person I would talk to when things were "too much." Well, things are "too much." What now? [HH]

Dear HH: ...Then you must believe that she is there, by your side. What you're experiencing is your spirit's way of saying that it needs help, that it needs the opportunity to regroup and refocus. The death of your mother has been a tremendous emotional shock to your system. You feel that you cannot go on, or that you can go on only in a mechanical, robot-like way: doing what needs to be done, but without the joy. What you desperately need right now is some down time to reconnect with your spirit. You've been through a lot of pain, but, once you allow yourself to feel again, you'll be able to sense your mother's quiet presence which your extreme sorrow has been blocking for these past two years.

I know that with all your responsibilities combined with your caring nature, you must be thinking that you have no time to spare for yourself. But how can you help those around you who rely on you if you do not take care of yourself first and keep yourself strong?

Please promise yourself that you will find the time - if only for twenty minutes each day - to center your thoughts through prayer and quietly listen to your heart. Talk to your mother; she definitely is still there to comfort and guide you. But listen now to your heart and your intuition, not your pain. They are there for you as an eternal line of communication between your spirit and hers. Laura

To HH from a reader/friend: My mother passed away three years ago and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. My mother and I would talk every day. I would send the kids off to school, my husband off to work, and then pick up the phone and call my mother. There was always something we could find to talk about. When my mother passed away, it took me a very long time to get over picking up the phone and calling her. To this day, there are still times I start to pick up the phone or go over to the house so we can talk, but then I remember she is not here anymore. But I still talk to my mother. This may sound crazy to some but, when there are days I have had all I can take, I find a place to myself and sit down and talk to my mother. It is not the same, I know, but it does make you feel a little better. I hope this helps you a little and I know right now you feel very lost and alone because no one understands how you are feeling, but I do understand. And you are not alone, your mother is there with you; maybe not in person, but she is in your heart. [SS] I could not have said it better myself(Laura). 

For SS: Thanks for your message. I'm trying to "talk" to Mom. I really want to get comfortable doing it. Like you, we spoke to each other every day. She lived in a unit in back of the main house. She would often come to the window, just look out and watch my kids play. I miss seeing her at the window. I will try to take your advice along with Laura's. Thank you again. [HH]